where women celebrate their ageless authenticity

What Are You Holding Onto?

Do you know how early hunters trapped monkeys with a simple trick?

They hollowed out a gourd, leaving a small hole, then filled it with a handful of rice. Monkeys reached in and grabbed the rice but couldn’t pull it out with their clenched fist. Even when their captors approached, they didn’t escape because they wouldn’t let go.

Sound familiar?

How often are we held captive with thoughts that grab hold of us and just swirl around in our heads. Repeatedly, over and over again.

Been there, done that.

Turns out, “monkey mind” refers to a metaphor used in Buddhist and Taoist traditions to describe a restless, chaotic, and easily distracted state of mind. A mind that may dwell on worries, fears and doubts, with a sense of urgency and an inability to be still.

When you think about it, the “trap” is one we set ourselves, or easily fall into by believing we’re oblivious to choice. But it’s not so easy. It involves calling out patterns and behaviors and hitting the pause button on our reactivity so we can seek a more effective response. It’s about engaging in new ways with the inner critic that beats us down. And above all else, it’s about allowing ourselves the freedom, grace and trust to know that we can change up things if we’re willing to work at it.

So, let’s get curious and play with this concept. Together. Beginning with the mind/body connection. Our operating system that’s hard wired to support us and keep us safe.

The central nervous system is made up of the brain, spinal cord, and all of the nerves in our body. Within this incredible network is the autonomic nervous system that regulates involuntary body functions. There are two types that respond to various stimuli with opposing effects. (they do their own thing, we can’t control them, or can we?)

• 1) The Sympathetic Nervous System prepares your body for “fight or flight” responses. It kicks in during stressful situations by increasing your heart rate, boosting blood flow to muscles, and releasing stored energy, helping you to react quickly. A boost of the cortisol hormone acts like a rapid response team in moments of danger or excitement.
• 2) The Parasympathetic Nervous System, better known as the “rest and digest” system, helps your body relax and recover after stress. Your heart rate slows down, your blood pressure lowers, and you enter a state of calmness so the body can relax and repair itself. Creativity flows from this place, along with joy and gratitude.

It’s helpful to understand that our long-term wellness comes from a balance between the two systems. But here’s the rub. Both systems can’t function together at the same time, and often, the “fight or flight” system overrides its counterpart by stealing its energy source.

Neuroscientist and best-selling author Dr. Tara Swart sites in her book “The Source” that “We cannot undo a negative thought pattern. We must overwrite it with a new one. Our brain is 2.5 times more strongly wired to avoid risk than it is to get a reward.”

Certainly, a handy mechanism when our ancestors were on high alert to the dangers of being eaten by a saber toothed tiger, but now, not so much.

So how do we “overwrite” our automatic responses so we can operate from an open-heart space, with kindness and gratitude as our source?

Which brought me to discover our very human propensity for cognitive bias… It’s called the Einstellung Effect, a mental tendency to use a familiar solution to a problem, even when a better solution is available. We rely on our past experiences and knowledge which prevents us from considering new and innovative solutions.

Count me among the guilty. Having been seasoned by multiple trips around the sun, at this stage of life don’t we all have a closet full of outdated ideas and beliefs we’re still holding onto? Maybe it’s time for a refresh using some “hands on” apps to up our game.

Now there’s a choice…

• Breathwork offers an instant return to our essence. Lowers cortisol levels, improves oxygen flow to the brain and body, enhances our focus, releases tension and cultivates a sense of inner peace. Even a few deep breaths can be settling.
• Meditation gets us to a place of stillness. It improves focus, memory and overall brain health. Enhances self-awareness, resilience and emotional well-being.
• Quality sleep supports overall health by allowing the body to repair tissues, balance hormones and strengthen our immune system. Helps to improve our mood and reduces stress levels.
• Positive meaningful or spiritual community fosters a sense of belonging and purpose which has been linked to improved mental health and reduced feelings of loneliness. Sharing in community often also encourages healthy lifestyle choices.
• Being in nature lowers our blood pressure and cortisol levels and promotes cardiovascular health. Since our bodies are made up of 60% water, being near a lake or ocean fosters a sense of harmony, allowing us to feel a deeper connection and sense of flow, both physically and emotionally. (More info at IF offering “Ever Try Forest Bathing No Swimsuit Required)

• Chanting and listening to chanting use repetitive vocalization to quiet the mind, helping to enhance mental clarity and emotional balance.
• Dancing is a great way to boost cardiovascular health and improve coordination while also elevating our mood with the release of endorphins, the “feel good” hormone. Dancing in community fosters social connection and reduces feelings of isolation.

All these applications help activate the parasympathetic nervous system while boosting production of the “love hormone” oxytocin. I try to reach for these “tools” at various times throughout the day. When I understand what’s happening biologically, it’s easier to honor the amazing work my body does on my behalf. I can work with it, and flow with it, rather than fight it.

To me, it’s the “I’ll have what she’s having” combo that helps keep my heart open to loving my life in the present moment. The first step is awareness. That said, just like you I’m perfectly imperfect, so my toolbox is often a jumbled mess in this practice of what it means to be human.

I’m grateful for your company on this deep dive. Thank you for being here for yourself. Now just go have fun “playing” with what you’ve come to know. There’s lots of freedom in discovering what works for you. After all, you already have everything you need.

Just choose.